Monday, September 18, 2017

If Only

If only I could be a bird. I would fly so high to barely be seen. If only I could be the cloud that bird would freely sit on how my life would be so sublime. If only I could explore many lands by plane or by ship. I would leave in an instance and would never turn back to this. This being captivite, this feeling like millions of camoflaged traps but above all this being a toxic whole with a bottomless drop. If only I wasn't so quickly & unrighteously judge by many. I wouldn't now be feeling like closing all the way up. #YouWinSome#YouLoseSome
My First Suicide Awareness "Out of Darkness" Walk Sept 16,2017 at Liberty Park in honor of our brother Tuau "Stu" Afo and our beautiful niece Lesieli Leka Hafoka. #YellowFromMyHeartToYours #ForeverRememberedNeverToBeForgotten

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Flying Angels

June is a blur and July was a heartbreak that none of us was prepared to receive. Relationships severed and the torturing experience of having one of our sweet babies pass away. Lesieli Leka Hafoka, survived by her Mother Ana, Father Sione, one older brother Sefo and two younger brothers. Lesieli was the only girl in the family and an angel to say the least. She was one of the main kids that gave me the will to keep dancing in our Malialole Dance group during 2016-2017. It was her infectious greeting whenever we'd enter the studio for practice, it was her beautiful smile when we'd cheer her on during practice, it was running into her with her family at the library parking lot talking story with her mom and it was her pure & kind heart that made me love her. I will never forget Lesieli and I live everyday to love people the way she did & be 💯 genuine about it til I die.












Thursday, June 8, 2017

Power Surrender

It's been an interesting last 24 hrs and once I lay out the entire reasoning about why it has to you readers. I hope that you will walk away from this post more confident, quick to forgive and feeling more loved then you did before you came across my blog. If any of you have followed my past blogs since I've turned into a blogalcoholic. Then you know my favorite subject is to talk about my non-existing love life, my crawl out of my many phazes out of rejection and how I've worked really hard not to grow into a man hater because males here in Utah just wont date me. And if they do offer to date me it's because their lonely & think I'm always available for whenever they want or their random old men that I meet on the trax station by the name of "Jose from Mexico" that get all touch feely when I say "Oh yeah, I don't have a boyfriend." lol So this post is about my most recent let down. BUT PLEASE as you read on PLEASE DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR ME. I don't want or need your pity. But do this instead for me.

If your married and are having a rough patch with your spouse. FIX IT! cause rough patches are fixable if both parties take the time to put in weak. If the grass looks greener on our side because we are single. I PROMISE ON THIS LAWN singlehood SUCKS!! And you really don't want to be on this end. So FIX YOUR ROUGH PATCH.

If you've just broken up with someone you thought was "THE ONE" for whatever reason. HEAR ME when I say "YOU WILL SURVIVE" you've come this far & though restarting in the dating game sucks. It could be worse. You could be in a crappy, abusive and empty marriage. But instead you are free from this ended relationship & new beginnings are at your footsteps. SO enjoy the moment & don't get or keep yourself depressed because your relationship has stopped.

And last but not least. If you're like me and are single or have been single for awhile. Please don't fret. GOD hasn't forgotten you. You won't be single forever and even if you were to never find your "Soul Tie" as I would love to put it. YOU are truly a catch to be appreciate and with buko patience. God will deliver the person of your dreams. So don't FEEL alone because in reality, you aren't alone.

Which seg ways into how I brought myself to surrendering my all about 14 hrs ago. I had grew fed up about suppressing my feelings for someone for a year and almost a half. I prayed about him, followed the prompts, repented for my impatience for the before mentioned timeframe, I forgave throughout that year the ppl I felt that knew of how I felt but didn't assist any to getting us on the same page, I forgave him for his avoidance also during that year and I even went towards the extreme to negotiating with the Lord plenty of alternatives. But none it worked. Not even praying the feelings & this individual away worked out for me. Zip, Zilch, Nada I was stuck in this lesson that was heartbreaking, taxing on my mind and felt like it ripped my spirit apart. But despite all of it. I still was able to rise above the chaos & finally reveal my whole intent, my entire heart and free myself from my own silence.

In hinesight I was able to free myself from the would'ves, could'ves, should'ves and a tad of wish haves :) I wasn't even mad at his rejection but the delivery could've been a little bit softer. But like my sisters say it is what it is, take men face value for what they say and keep everything simple & short.
I wish pursuing love wasn't so complicated, I wish communication between genders discussing their hearts were more honest and that the bounce back from rejection didn't feel so heavy. So this was my 14 hr ordeal of how I "Power Surrended" & am determined to always be kind at the end of the road of rejection with the belief that these moments are only making me stronger. I can fix anything w/the Lord, I am "The One" worth pursuing no matter what and lastly I truly am not alone. And neither are YOU!!! Proceed relationships w/caution but don't forget to have fun while doing it.

That's my sister Rena Ripley below w/me at our Malialole Dance Studio for bro Tanu & sis Lani Moe's baby shower. Also Malialole's Gma Vida Tuitama Hafoka in the background. #2017



Monday, May 1, 2017

Send Me Your Location


"Send me your location lets
Focus on communicating cuz
I just need the time and place to come through
(A chance to come through)
Send me your location lets
Ride the vibrations
I don't need nothing else but you"


Those lyrics have been how I've been feeling for the last month about my love life.lol The hot topic of 99.9% of my blogs if not all 100% :) But today's post isn't entirely on that subject. Today's message is about a new month that we're in "May Day" a month of way from June when we'll be super busy w/ High School Graduations, Weddings, BBQ's on and on etc etc. I can't believe how quickly this year has passed by. I can't believe I'm still falling short on a few things that carried over from 2016 that I swore I wouldn't let happen. But the biggest "Ah Ha" moment that I've had up to this point has to be that I'm still standing. I'm still pushing forward. I'm still faithful to my Heavenly Father though at times this journey feels extremely lonely. And I'm still fighting to keep my grip on the hope that "Love" will prevail if I just hold on to God. No one knows how hard it is to remain committed to one's spiritual goals til they try it themselves. No one will ever know how hard I've had to fight to remain me while I fought to get to who God wants me to be. And so it is I'm falling, I'm standing up, I'm walking by faith and I'm keeping my GPS always focus on God's location. Despite the blessings that still haven't arrived. It's boarder lined depressing but on the upside, I'm still alive and well. 
The photos to be posted on my next blog of our 1st Malialole Dance present's "Who Got Roots" Art & Dance Competition hosted by Granger High School on April 29,2017. The following pics was of our show at the Sorenson Center in Glendale for the "Moana" movie night. 
















Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Show Me Love

We are into 2017 and I can't believe how fast this year has already gone. This is my favorite month of the year February. One because of Valentines Day and secondly because it's Black History Month. Where we get to celebrate love and leaders that led by love. So coming out of such a heartbreaking 2016 year for various reasons. It felt good to get together w/my "Real Ones" last weekend Tirae & Tavia Scott, Caroline Ulugia, Penny Fuimaono and Baby Ivy. These women who can make me laugh for days, keep it real to no end and empower me in my own aspirations are always my "Go To's" when I need uplifting or reality check. I have to say there's never a dull moment being in their presence. I have a lot of things I'm still currently involved in that has kept me from one on one contact with them. But last week was such a needed sister release.

As for my group "Tasi O Le Alofa" (One Love) is still rolling. I'm doing alot of in house inventory before I begin to reach out and build my team. Through this group it's constantly keeping me in check on the forgiveness tip. How to forgive more quickly, with real intent and more charity. I'm not one that purposely goes out of my way to hurt people. But when I get screwed in slightest by a stranger or close love one. I have found it's extremely hard for me to forgive people. Especially when they undermind my intelligence and think I don't see their actions or inaction towards me. Forgiveness has been such an ongoing lesson Heavenly Father continues to give me as my life test. I know the thing that sucks the most is that I can't progress happily til I give him my grudges and let him handle the very people who live to cause me pain. So that's where I am on my person goals for my group and myself.

Moving on to my family. Immediate we're all pursuing our daily duties, doing our best to stay involved and faithful.  More updates to be posted soon. Happy Love Month
Valentines Day February 14,2017  Salt Lake City Temple

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Sooo Gone

If I could just cut my head open & pour out all of the experiences that have happened in the last 2 months it would totally help me out big time. So get ready for a huge novel of a post.. So Sept 1,2016 marked my 38th birthday and a few blessings about this age has been. 

1) I find myself speaking my mind more openly
2) I do my best to make sure I'm taken care of emotionally,spiritually and physically vs. how I use to be in trying to inspire others to improve in those areas.
3) I've began to understand not getting what  I want isn't all so bad. Just as long as I continue to live a life of gratitude.

Because I've fought and continue to live in gratitude it's humbled me tremendously. I'm learning that we as a people are all weak. Weak spirited, weak willed and weak minded but thank God that there is a God. I have spent this year truly tryna allow God to refine me in every way possible. I've had my heart get torn out of my chest for what it seems to have felt like several times a month, every month for the last 12 months. 

But this isn't a post to complain about how bad I've had it. It's  not even about how judged, talked about or criticized I've been by those who barely know me. Up to the people who supposedly love me with all their heart. This post is about how I've been able to  survive this 2016 year thus far & how I'm planning to move forward with a stronger spirit, will and mind guided by my heart but forever protected by my mind. 

And so the first "Go to" that has helped me climb out of my own discouragement this year has been my constant conversation with God through the power of prayer. It's crying to him when people are unfair, it's angrily expressing my frustration and on the upbeat days I praise him either through constant prayer or singing one of our "Divine Heritage Choir" songs. Usually in the privacy of my own home & company. And if that didn't work on a particular rough day or experience. I would just focus on redirecting my being on either my favorite relatives that have passed away or I just spend time with my favorite people whom are still with us here on earth. 

Other things that have kept me on top of all the quick sands that trials would try to swallow one into daily has been community service that's replaced my being active in our "Divine Heritage Choir" activity. Getting certified at being a certified sexual assault advocate, founder of my Tasi O Le Alofa support group, dancing with my Malialoles straight outta Glendale, supporting my Sugarhouse 801's  during their concerts/open mics, speaking at Community day events, University of Utah and next month Utah Valley University for a new Polynesian Empowerment Women's group by the name of "Teuila's Group." But even with being that busy w/o mention of trying to be active with my own family, LDS ward, work and so called "Me" time, opposition has a constant hand of always trying to creep into my life and anyone reading this msg. 

So before I go on rambling on & turn this post into nonsense venting. I hope you can gain a sense of turning to God for your daily support, rally for people who want to help you grow not just endure & that you can learn from my experiences to NEVER EVER EVER give up on yourself. This life is meant to test us but not break us. So if you fail. Fail big and try again & I promise you will get where you need to be & life will prove that when you move towards God he will place in your life all that you ever wanted. NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!










Friday, August 5, 2016

Patience

If you've ever wrestled with the Lord on what you want & what he knows is best for you. Then you know it's a grueling battle & most often once you've humbled yourself. You know that he was right the entire time & you should've settled down about whatever you were having a power struggle about long time ago. If you haven't experienced that then you're either super lucky and smart. Or your as stubborn headed as I am. Either way you should listen to the following talk & see how you can increase the attribute of patience. Once mastered by your own effort & then applied over others. Especially if they hit your nerves more often than not :)
https://www.lds.org/ensign/2010/05/continue-in-patience?lang=eng&cid=twitter-shared

It's August and I can't get over all that's happened & will continue to happen. In this post I just want to express that patience matters & counts. And like it was mentioned in the above attached link. Impatience just means selfishness & an attitude of the world revolves around me. So my two cents about this subject is that if you find yourself always being impatient with others. Just know it's not worth being that annoyed no matter the issue. Life is too short to walk around being short with others.. Take it from me cuz I'm a recovering impatient person. HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE!!!