Tuesday, March 6, 2012

I'm Dying

We all are, aren't we? We are conceived, taught how to become adults then live our lives the best way we know how. Knowing that one day we are going to die. So when I say I'm dying, I mean it. I Am dying.. As of yet, I don't have a chronic disease, I'm not suffering from physical or mental disabilities. At least not ones I know of :) But I am dying, we all are and it's just how life goes.

Since I've been called to the Relief Society Presidency it's felt like I've entered a whole new world. More like the grown up world. Visiting with different sisters & seeing,listening & witnessing their life stories. Then comparing them to my own life experiences & my peers. Alot of deaths & people about to die has been my biggest duty lately. One day it scares me to have to work so closely to people going through this type of ordeal. And the next day I have the faith of mighty men/women who've endured death. And I'm right back at it again no longer afraid of the unknown. Facing the fact that death is not an ending but a new beginning. A beginning that I'm not completely aware of but all and all it is a new start.

This past weekend a cousin of mine was in the hospital & I got to visit with her. Finding out that another one of our cousins, who was a former President of our Divine Heritage Choir. Her cancer has returned full blown & we don't know how much longer we have with her. And that day in finding out this news. I just felt spent,tired and selfishly worn out. We just lost Tualii Enosa someone I barely knew to breast cancer. And now someone that I've loved since I started singing with the Choir. To hear this news just felt a bit much for me,this past weekend. So instead of going over to comfort her with all of our old choir members. I opted to stay back, to uplift another sister that will be leaving in June. And so when I got back home & reflected on my choice of not going. I didn't regret it but I did discover a couple of things to take serious note on for future reference.

One when in the service of God, don't get weary of doing good.Wherefore, be not weary in well-doing, for ye are laying the foundation of a great work. And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.
D&C 64:33

And secondly no matter how many times in one year or a few months or days we are called to mourn. Remembering it's not about us but it's about being there for other people.
Comforting them rather than seeking to save myself from the blessing it is to mourn with others.  Especially because there'll come a time, when we will need that service in return. That was a big wake up call for me. This Friday we will be especially remembering our brother Tuau of course.
And wishing as always that he was still physically alive & well with us. But with all these recent deaths & possible deaths. We are and will continue to survive. Because though we are all dying & don't know when we will leave this earth. The joyous reality is that we will be reunited after this life. So we need to make the most of the time we have now with those we hold dearest to our hearts.

I was asked "If you only had til this summer to live what would you do?" And my answser was I would want to contact every person I've ever hurt or offended in anyway and say I'm sorry & ask for their forgiveness. Whether it was my fault or not. Because when I'm before my maker it won't matter who's fault it was, all that would matter is that I was forgiven or gave the forgiveness that was needed.

Then my second "To Do" on the list would be to not be afraid to say my "I love you's" to the people that I do love. Because whether it's vocally,through actions, over the phone,email etc. I want the people in my life to know that I do love them. Now they may get on my last nerve & I might not always agree with their life choices. But I'm not God & it's not my place to say anything (unless they ask lol).. However I want people to know that I love them. Because everyone needs to know that on a constant.

I could've said I want to be married, travel the world or be rich. But I feel those two things on my list are more important then anything else. Everything else if it were meant to be and I only had til summer to live. If it were meant to be it would happen. Otherwise maybe in the next life. Either way I'm dying but in Christ I'm ALIVE!



4 comments:

  1. Whoa, I did not know u were in the RS presidency...right on! I better watch my tongue now when I speak to u..lol..
    When life happens it seems as if we all at one time or another become suffocated and overwhelmed with it.
    I am sorry to hear about ur cousins who are sick & battling cancer. Prayers going out to them.
    You are a great example of service my dear friend & if u r dying it's because of ALL tht love you give thru serving others!
    Thanks for being a great example!
    luv ya

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    1. Lol sis its been 7wks but who's counting lol. The calling keeps me in chk no joke. And you better don't go acking brandnew. I need as much laughter in my life & need my favorite lair girl to keep that constant in my life. Bernie you give me three much credit quit before my head gets as big as older Q. Bahaha I make a funny love u sis

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    2. lol sorry I meant laie gurl not lair kerl..lol

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  2. hahahaha...u better watch out before Q's big head comes after u!lol..Yes pls next time get it straight..it's LAIEGRL..lol..U know u luv it!

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