Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Love Undefined

When I crush I've been known to crush hard which than turns into love for the opposite sex. So you can say I've been in love a couple trillion times. And I'm not ashamed about it, at all because each male, has taught me tremendous lessons. Have I acted a fool in each situation? (Yes) Have I come off desperate in those situations? (Absolutely!Yes!) Have I ever cause them bodily harm, due to a severed or eventually broken heart? (OOOOOOh, Heck yes) lol in my mind that is :) I ain't no Madea wanting to go to jail now mind you.
But in all honesty, in my waiting to exhale moments, I've envisioned a little violence in my heartaching dayz.
And then coming to my senses I've remembered, I got too much living to do to dare go that route. But that's the point at the end of the day. Loving someone comes with alot of joy, mindframe that nothing is impossible and hope for a lasting relationship LIVING happily ever after.
However the opposite of that is what kills a person. Whether their single for dayz a.k.a years on end, Married and not fullfilled or divorced without hope to start over again. Love truly can make you do crazy things and leave you blind. But here's the upside in whatever phaze you are in now or will be experiencing in the near future. Love is a beautiful thing,emotion and action.

So those "crushes" I mentioned earlier for me I'm not only grateful that they happened. But I'm even more grateful that they had a short life span. Giving me the opportunity to work harder at being prepared for my long lost, hopelessly wandering future husband. Why am I always pounding on this subject? Well it's because this is what is priority in my life right now. But on the flipside I know I have to stay on track with the Lord. Keep with his time frame stop begging, giving up or allowing envy get into my system.
Which is pretty hard when it seems like everyone from their mama to their dawg is getting hitched. What I'm learning today is being single doesn't mean that I'm not desirable.
Being single should never be an excuse to let people use me mentally,emotionally and especially physically. Loneliness can do that to the best of any of us. But we should never surcumb to it. Being single to me today means I need to get other things in my life in order. So when true love does arrive I'm ready.

So since I haven't had a crush on anyone for awhile it's been nice to just be chill about the subject and share with you how I've grown. Which means I've decided not to box my love away into some confined compartment. Truly emoting the best whether or not I receive the best. Because I refuse to allow my circumstances of being single taint my love. I am aimed to keep it undefined by all means without living by anyones standard of what they think "love" should mean to me. I've allowed people to control that part of me for too long with judgements of;

  "For real "O" him? Nah you can do better
  "Hmmm not him, so and so likes him"
  "Maybe you shouldn't be so yada yada"

Just more reason for me to be grateful that I've taken the power back and I'm doing me. Love is so amazing! Let's not forget it!

Highlights for this weekend;
                 My best sisterfren Tatiana is coming in and we're gonna go eat at our other bestie's restaurant "Mama V's" and this awesome Pancake house off Foothill during this weekend. Pancake house has the best turkey sandwich plate, Sister leta's wedding on friday to kick off General Conference weekend for more info about Gconference go to www.lds.org, A funeral Saturday morning til late afternoon,then my best friend Angie Dibella  baby shower and then more time with the homies. But the best highlight of my weekend will be a missionary farewell, I'll be blogging about to follow this one..

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