Sunday, April 22, 2012

Refreshed

Have you ever had a period in time when all you feel is a "spirit of ugly about yourself?"
Your attitude is ugly, the way you feel is ugly when you look at other people to you their ugly..lol Flipped onto you, while looking in the mirror, you knit pick at every form of yourself & think
"Ugggh Ugly,Ugly,Ugly."
Well that's how I've felt about myself in the last couple days. Especially within my spirit more than my outter appearance. Oh and I can't leave out especially when my anger hits the roof, spirals to any object in sight and SLAPS me right on the face. Saying something to the effect of
"OH MY GOODNESS GET OVER YOURSELF & STOP BEING SO ANGRY or UGLY SPIRITED." Have you felt like that ever?

Well last night after going out with my sisters, Carol Ulugia,Tiare Scott, Sela Tukuafu and Kayleen Taulanga and venting my life away. I came to a couple of conclusions about myself. One I need to prioritize better and place the most important things first. And two, I need to loosen up about how I perceive my present circumstances. Thoughts kept flowing in non-stop once I came to those conclusions. .
For instance like "When people don't follow through on things, don't get disappointed, see what the lesson is, learn from it & move forward."
Meaning moving forward happily, not in a manner to plot out revenage or harm on that person. :)
Leading to my following thoughts;
"I can't control anyone but myself and so don't get upset when people are on their own schedules, I'm not their mother nor should I ever try to be at any time."
People are always going to do what they want to do. So nothing or no one can be forced to change.Because all they'll continue to do is flake out or not show up. With a bunch of lame excuses.
 Then todays thoughts, that graciously got me through my recent rage.lol 
Was a needed thought, given by my friend John Siafega. Over facebook which read
"The most beautiful people are the most sensitive."
For such a long time in my life "sensitivity" has always been looked at as being weak or whiney." Kind of negative notion as to say "Stop being so sensitive, I was just joking. When in reality that joke had a lot of truth to it. And how a person was feeling or has been feeling. However didn't have the courage to say it straight forward. Because they didn't know how to approach you. So they in my opinion "cowardly" dressed it up in a joke.
Which is so dumb to me and why you rarely see me joke about people. Because I either tell them straight or I figure whatever was bothering me isn't worth holding onto & I let it go.

So as I was in my "Ugly state of mind,spirit & existence" in the last little while. That simple facebook status really helped me to start off this morning happier than I was yesterday.
Which just kicked off the rest of my day on a good note. By going to church, renewing my covenants and listening to the youth of our church speak in sacrament. Each one giving us hope that we are capable of making better choices if we but have faith in Christ, follow their order by the examples they've set for us & than take proper ACTION to constantly reconvert ourselves over and over and over again. Until the gospel is so ingrained in us, that our testimonies are so strong. That it becomes second natured to us like breathing. I'd have to say that simple status quote, really gave me the refresher I needed for this upcoming week. Reminding me that by being a good example to others, no matter how tired I may be I can't stop serving.. That service for us can be the ability to breathe life into others that are struggling a little more than we may be currently feeling. So that they can find hope in the trials they face. In order to helping ourselves we are better than equipped to helping them through the "Ugly Zone until we are all able to feel a full sense of joy."
I learned and will continue to relearn that it could be worse but will always get better, if only we but  allow ourselves that opportunity to smile through the rain. :)




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