Saturday, July 21, 2012

Boyz Vs Girls

So this post is about what my conversation with my guy cousin on the subject of marriage & what he said to me. How it's over-rated in his opinion. Now that he is in the process of a possible 2nd divorce.
And what a perfect intro to this subject none other then to go over this video clip from "The Little Rascals."


Though this clip is super funny & the bickering has a lot of truth to it. I wonder at what point does it start to make sense? When do two people finally have their stars align perfectly in the sky? That all of sudden one day their no longer disgusted by each other's scents anymore, like these little rascals. But what was once annonying to them, has turned into a wish come true between two individuals. That maybe guys aren't so bad & vice versa. 
So like I told my cousin at the YSA dance last night, "Marriage isn't over-rated at all."
But what I did want to blog about is that the "Fairy Tale verison of Marriage," is what's over-rated. The no one has problems part is over-rated, everyday is a lovey dovey walk in the park is over-rated & most of all the person you end up with is perfect is over-rated. Because in reality that's all a bunch of over-rated mumble jumble.
Is it possible to have happiness in marriage? To be with someone that is filled with charity, chivalry & kindness? And whatever else is on your list? I believe it's possible but it takes work. Anything you really want takes work, sacrifice & pure endurance.
So because I'm single, I often get a lot of advice from married people. But just recently I got some helpful advice from my brother John Toutai aka "John Doe." Who  just recently got into a relationship & for some reason felt that I needed to hear some "Dr. Hitch" type of insight. He goes "O when I see people in the same boat that I use to be in, I want to help them get out of it, so GET OUT OF THE BOAT OVA!" What he was getting to was that he wanted me to date somebody, anybody but just date with the frame of mind of "Everyone is an option."
I had to ask him again, why he felt so inclined to tell me all of this right then. And all he kept saying was cause, he was happy with his girl and felt I deserved the same to be happy with someone.. It was a very informative bonding session and what I got out of it was there's no time like the present to move forward & progress.
After the dance last night & venting to my sister Emma Taufui about my conversation with my cousin on the whole marriage/divorce situation he's in & then asking her to pray for my situtation. She reminded me again what "John Doe" was saying about moving forward. But in this instance Emz was saying "The Lord doesn't work the way I want him too." And she went onto say "What are you doing to improve your searching situtation?" Are you doing your part in action & not just in prayers & asking people to pray for my situtuation. I was stumped because all I have in my court were replayed assumptions, over this dude I was telling her about. Thoughts for example like;
"He won't go for me becuz he goes for skinny girls."
"If he wanted me, he would ask me for my time."
Crippled by my past about this person the next few thoughts came, "I tried so many times before to put myself out there & show my interest in him & he never took the opportunity before to step up." "Why would this year be any different if I put myself out there again??
Distructive self-talk I know, huh? My sister Tirae says those are signs of my high-functioning mind.lol blog about that later. heehee an entirely whole different matter.lol
 Well these three love ones of mine John Doe,Emz & Tirae had me thinking alot over my behavior and what bright lights of hope & realization that I needed from them to finally remind me to be more open & just be.
 Remembering it's not Boyz vs Girls or Me vs Girls that I assume my potential crushes, maybe into at the moment moreso than them ever being into me.
 But what's important is that I get out of my way & stop sabotaging myself. Like how we all do to ourselves. By losing faith in ourselves, in our love interest & especially on what the Lord has instored for our hearts. Because we've been hurt in the past, cheated on, broken relationships, engagements, divorced more than once or just out of fear running from love.
But I know without a doubt we aren't meant to exist or live alone. I know that even though the wait maybe the longest tormenting haul through singleness.
 I know that love will surface & the game of Boyz vs Girls won't be so much of an issue of keeping score of who's not doing what or who's doing everything. But love will combine two opponets. Creating the ultimate dream team, schooling everyone on the court that love is attainable. Past all the mumble jumble real love does exist & marriage isn't over-rated once faith exceeds the fear within us all.







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