Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I Believe

Up until today I've been starving. Not able to taste flavor in the meals I eat. Unsatisfied by the relationships I've been in with my Lord, my family and friends. As a daughter, sister, Aunty, sisterfren, return missionary, member missionary, member of the church unsatisfied with even being human being. Dramatic? Maybe?! On top of that not being able to sleep right & nightmares that come & go. Depressed? I don't think so. Tired? You bet'cha. And finally realizing all I needed was to do some winter cleaning. Communing more intently with God. In losing myself like Shela off of "Diary of a Madd Black Woman" I'm finding myself. Through God im walking & listening.more now than ever before & im so happy. Because no longer do i place him as a hobbie or option but being w/ him is my priority.
Funny story for instance and i hope ties in w/ what im trying to say.
Everyone knows im a saimein noodles snob and it's been over 20 yrs since I've ate saimein from a pkg & not out of a cup noodle cup. And yet today while feeding tui lunch I decided to take a bite of his saimein soup.
One because I wanted to see if I was making a big fuss out of nothing all of these years. And two I wanted to dare myself to face my vices head on even if it was just about my food preferences. Well I was pleasantly surprised that one it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be in the end. And two that I can tolerate the flavor, my taste buds are back but I'm still a
diehard cup a noddle girl. Which brings up the point in finding more of my newer self that its ok if I change. Whether it be about food, my conduct or what I'm chasing after because what matters most is that I'm happy.And that in itself is liberating as I find the balance to help others to reach a similar type of joy. I'm reading a book called "This I believe " by a variety of different extraordinary people which I will share more of in my next post. I believe you'll gain a lot from it & so til then keep rediscovering you & don't give up. The Elusive Yet Holy Core by Kathy Dahlen

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Mama Mia!

It's Phat Tuesday in the Afo/Suapaia residence due to apple pie and chinese food attack and i'm already exhausted at 5:32pm in the p.m. As my sistah dawn Taufui would put it- p.m. Well it moms 59th bday today. So I had the opportunity to spend time with her & we didn't really do anything but stay home waiting on tui to return from school. The majority if not all of her life the two of us has constantly been at each other. Due to pride & lack of open communication. Positive communication at thats always been a struggle between the two of us. So on this particular day it felt good tactually talk & not be so cray cray.yc Lol And no matter the dispute or debates that can go on for days. I know my place in my moms heart& that she always has my best interest in mind. Even though at times it comes off a bit much. Moms like mine aren't so common & I know I am undeserving of such a loving mom like Florence Suapaia but I am grateful for her. Bishop Vielstich topped off the day w/a bday visit & a yummy pie for mom proving just how much love our leaders have for my mom.
For you women that are mother's to your children, children who've passed on, adopted children, awaiting to have your children and to those like me who are aunties w/motherly tendencies
Remember you matter, your example matter to these amazing children so don't let up. Especially when hope is low & exhaustion is high. These little ones will never forget your enduring love. You all are why we have good in us so keep strong!

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Delayed Answers

Last Tuesday I had the opportunity to attend the Jordan River, Temple with my sister Manda Johnson. Which since the year started was my second time going. I went with only the intentions of supporting Manda, escaping for a bit and to feel God's love. I really wasn't expecting anything more than that in going that morning to the temple. So I vented, laughed and recounted memories from our past crushing over certain priesthood holders prior to our arrival. And it was hilarious :) So we went through our session & while exchanging what we received through that particular session in the celestial room. To my surprise I received my answer to a prayer I hadn't remembered til that moment. I thought that morning this was a prayer i hadnt ever prayed for and so i was surprised with this out of the blue answer. But it wasn't til I came across this quote did I realize Tuesday's answer was a "Ova not yet answer" to this prayed for blessing from months ago that I hadn't remembered.
And the quote goes like this;
"God's 3 answers to your prayers are"- 1) Yes
2)Not yet or 3) I have something better in mind. And I believe this is God's process in answering our prayers. We don't always get what we want when we want it. And when it seems those around us do so little to nothing & yet get everything. Like mucho money,endless materialistic items or the hot spouse girlfriend or boyfriend & you feel like you have nothing. Or your life wont amount to nothing. IM HERE TO TESTIFY YOUR WRONG! Your time is coming & it might not amount in things of worldly riches. But it will be just what God intended you to have just when you needed it the most. Count your blessings not your wishes or your problems. God is good all the time esp in your trials. Believe it or not he is :)

Monday, January 14, 2013

One Sweet Day

Yesterday was such a bitter sweet day for me. I didn't get to church out of my laziness from staying out late the night before. But because we have a loving and concerned Bishop. When we don't show up to church in case of tui & we have a lack of energy to bring him. Bishop sends the ward priesthood holders to our home, so we can still partake of the sacrament. In order for us to remember our covenants, repent of our sins & make a stronger effort for the following week to renew our covenants in the ward. Which is a huge blessing for our family.

Later, yesterday evening I was able to attend a dear brother of ours fireside. None other then Mr. Nelas Otuafi, who wrote "How can I be", "Miracles" and one of my favorites "Two Years to Eternity" and many other songs. He gave an amazing testimony, his beautiful daughters sang "Lighthouse of the Lord,w/supportive sons on the side and our sister, his wife niki in the crowd encouraging and inspiring them the entire time. Like a loving & humble mom would naturally. And through nela's words & music I was edified to do better, reconvert myself more to the lord and if I really love the lord in the way that I should love him. Then I must prove it through my actions of being true & constant obedience to his commandments. And overall what I got out of everything nela's testimony put out was "Make the time to really get to know God because by knowing him you come to know yourself." You would've had to be there last night to even begin to understand how I felt.

After the fireside and found out that my sister Ane Brown Tupeas dad Nite Brown died. He was sick for a long time & is survived by his wife Taiana Wolfgramm Brown & their 14 children & their families. I love this man w/all my heart & am so happy he allowed me to be apart of his family. He is missed & will never be forgotten.

Yesterdays sweet ups and downs proves that's how life will always be. Its up to us to train ourselves to always prayerfully react in cheerfulness & faith that all is & will be well in that one sweet day when in heaven we will reunite.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Computer Love

Now when I say computer love I'm not talking about dating sites, porn sites or anything of that nature.
I tried the whole "LdsSingles.com" bit and that was a waste time and as for porn I don't rock like that or anything in that nature. And neither do I look down on people that do because I know that's a battle that people have to face. But back to what I was trying to explain about my "Computer Love" is that I've had to blog from my cellphone. Which really sucks and not having a desktop computer or laptop has caused me major withdrawals.. Until I was invited our to Mz Emma Taufui's to kick it and trick left me & Dawn..lol But it's cool cause now I have a chance to get down as many thoughts on post before the both of them return.

2013 has been a ever flow of so many things that I've changed about myself, my perspective, my goals and the people I surround myself with & aiming to be influenced by. The breaking of a new day seems to be everyday for me since the New Year has began. And it's because I'm recognizing more and more talk is so cheap, people make mistakes and we have a choice to react negatively or react Godly. I am far from being the Saint Heavenly Father destined me to be and it will always be that way. But now that I see that living in his timing is truly the best way to be. I find myself every second of my day wanting to be grateful for the smallest to the biggest things. Like my brother King Tui responding more to our vocal directions. The quality in a simple conversations with the people I love. And the biggest blessing so far has been praying consistently with my mom. A simple act of gratitude that speaks & means volumes of difference in what kind of spirit is in our home.

And even though this titled post is about my obession with keeping connected over the world wide web and dream to get my own computer so I can blog more, email my missionaries more & just be an internet camper for days. All I'm really saying is I love my life the way it is right now & I hope that each of you are falling in love with your own lives. Because trials are really blessings in disguise, standing up for yourself when the crowd is going left rather than right is possible and whatever your addiction with the past is that your having trouble dealing with can be let go. YOU JUST NEED TO MAN UP & LIKE NIKE JUST DO IT!!  2013 is turning into an epic new year where I'm finding a newer kind of me & I hope & pray the same for you & yours..

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Adore

With this constant back and forth battle against this annonying flu. I wanted to list a few things I adore.Pointing out that in every negative you can always find a positive. If you allow yourself to redirect your thought process. Because what you feed your mind will manifest through your actions. Anyway my point is counting blessings vs lack of things you wish you had, to me is the way to be. And here is my list.
1. I adore my brother king tui. He
keeps me grounded in selflessness.
2. My neices and nephews the perfect
Pick me up.
3. I adore a man that can make me laugh til I break out in tears.
Problem is the only ones that can
fit that are my family bros & guy
cousins & men from n. shore Hawaii..
Ahh the dilemma Lol to the second half.
4. And last but not least by this
shorten "I adore" list. I adore me
some good chocolate. :) true stress
reliever.

So if your out there stressed & annonyed. How about treating yourself
to what you love & do it. Life's way
too short to continue in living a
miserable day. So focus on adorn blessings that God is giving.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Can We?

Can we agree to disagree? I hope so and I hope that my opinion inspires at least one of you if not all of you to be better communicators to the opposite sex. This post is inspired by a couple of my favorite people. Let's name them shall we? The girl will be "White Chick" and the Guy we'll call "Iron Man". Kay I won't explain their circumstance. But I will say their coming from a place of pain, hesitation & stubborness when it comes to dating & perspective of d,ating because of getting their hearts broken in the past. So again w/o talking on their status. We're going to talk on mines & what I've learned. Number One-GET OUT OF YOUR OWN HEAD & ASSUMING WHAT THE OPPOSITE SEX IS THINKING OF YOU & THEIR MOTIVES CONCERNING YOU! GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
NUMBER 2-none of us are mind readers. Something I had to learn the hard way. If something is bothering me say it. Not just half of it. Say it all so the other person isn't left in the dark Tryna guess what your feeling & thinking. That takes ongoing practice and committment to keep on doing it. Number 3-Pray for whatever your weak in concerning relationships. So you can strengthen yourself & the other person. So if your a pushovers than pray for ways to be less of that & more assertive. If your too goofy pray for ways to be mindful of when you should & shouldn't.The key. is to put action into the things you pray for & keep the faith that w/enough dedication you will improve. And the biggest lesson that I've learned in applying these things is that I'm facing my fears, hopeful for love & prepared for anything that comes. Have I fallen in love? Yes, of course I have. With every single crush. Did those cause me heartache? Every last tcrush except for the ones who have kept me as a friend. Do I regret any of them even though I ended up hurt? Nope because I grew stronger & when I do meet my husband it'll all be worth it. Get it THROUGH YOUR HEADS PEOPLE! LOOKING FOR LOVE, RETAINING LOVE & LOSING LOVE WILL ALWAYS COME W/SOME DEgree OF PAIN. Because it test our will, what we're willing to sacrifice &compromise. And if we continue to live in a state of who will control who, who's the boss and its my way or the highway. If we choose that route then you will never be happy. Whether w/someone or single. Dating is only as complicated as you make it. And if you don't live to resolve & evolve to fight for love instead of fighting it off. You just might not get the chance to love ever. And what a world tragedy that would be. Wouldn't it?

Monday, January 7, 2013

Manti Te'o-Fighting Back

Norte Dame's defensive player Manti Te'o just played in his last college game earlier tonight against Alabama University for the BCS title. Both undefeated teams & hopeful to take the win.The raining champs Alabama came off victorious. But in my eyes & in the eyes of thousands so did Manti & his fighting Irish brothers aka teammates.
With all their hopes,dreams in overcoming team & individual life adversities. To me they still won.
I didn't even know who Manti Te'o was until late last season and then wittnessing the fight in him & his team mates during their Penn State rally. Caught my attention & I was captivated by their drive. Not only to win for themselves. But to win for their families, communities and especially for each other. And though the scoreboard said ND 14 vs Alabama 40 something. I have to say ND still won w/poise, brotherly love & humility. Which will keep them bonded forever.

At the end of the game as the cameras zoned on players shaking hands out of good sportsmanship. And finally catching Manti by observation there seem to be w second of disappointment in his eyes. Because last year both his grandmother & girlfriend passed away days from each other. And in an interview he expressed how he'd be playing his heart out for them. It would be my prayer that he'd have enough knowledge. To realize that from heaven that they both know that of him & that they don't need trophies,scoreboards or recognition from all the world to know his heart and the love he holds for them.
So there you have it. My two cents of what a true winner is in life & on the field of any sport platform. Everyday playing like the champions that you are- Manti Te'o & ND fighting Irish

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Musical Snapshots

There is nothing that I love more then when I can be apart of anything that involves music. Listening to it, hdancing to it or as often as time will afford me singing it. Which is usually in the comfort of my own home, at karaoke cafe w/sister edna aiono to build up my confidence in singing out or while song practice for our Divine Heritage Choir. Tonight was one of those nights where I was able to enjoy pure music. I have a great love and admiration for people that can sing on pitch, naturally hear their notes and like Kawe Sika loves to put get'um
sooo easy.. I go nuts at people that
have that gift & can bring it w/what seems to be so second nature to them. Marja taking "courage" a melodic space,
Sina & Edna harmonizing effortlessly, Ashley's voice w/such sweet humility
ceased the msg behind "prayer is a miracle" just to compliment Travis solo to "How can I be" sung as if he were a pioneer from the scriptures rolled up w/ back up from the rest of our fellow choir members in attendance tonight made for a picture perfect memory for me. Why I love this choir so much, why it feels like home when we sing united in spirit & the blessing that we're able to sing God's music that he's given to our choir writer's & friends of the choir. Musical Snapshots I am so grateful to be apart of & witness. Now adding my sistah crystal Ainuu into as well. God is Good, all the time,God is Good.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Words for Words

People speak sometimes to make a point,uplift someone, hurt someone or just for the pure pleasure of hearing their only voice. I know I've practice doing all of thee above & probably will continue to do so. One because I am human and two because its a part of life. Which leads us to a variety of different people, experiences and adventures. Tonight I was privilege to attend my sister Caroline Ulugia's 30th birthday dinner & earlier I had bonding time w/two other of my sister's Tasha & Crystal. Talking through the usual run down subjects life,men & the purpose of life. Observing where each sister was spiritually, emotionally & temporally. I couldn't help to begin to be thankful for each of them & the powerful influence they are in my life. And the fuel they add to my fire of being better than I was not only from yesterday. But better than I am from minute to minute that we get to bond. I've used the words "sis" & my "I love yous" loosely in the past. But for every woman that I've said those words to or will ever say those words to remember this: I meant it from the bottom of my heart. Not to make a point, not just to uplift you,neither to have it lose value when I've hurt you or wanted to hear my own voice. Again those words I love you sis are a valued sentiment because you've made me better. Your words got me through when I've been at my worst and carried me to be my best non-blood related & my only blood related baby sis Teuila. I carry each of you in my heart at the same level of love as my sisters. THANK YOU FOR BEING YOU.

Friday, January 4, 2013

Breezy

This year in our church we will be studying the life of our deceased president Lorenzo Snow. While reading over a talk describing his personality, testimony & way of conduct.
The writer described President Snow as someone
"saturated in the Gospel." Pretty much encouraging as Christians to not only talk the talk about why we follow Christ. But to put action to what we know about him. All I know is today reopened my eyes in service a soul is fullfilled and without it we are nothing & than left empty in our nothingness. Pay it forward & you too will feel breezy..Good Day :)

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Ten Years

I was sitting back yesterday & just thinking about my life. This July will mark 10 years since I've returned from serving in L.A. California as representative of Christ for my Lds religion and thinking about that yesterday, while watching King Tui I thought about what a blessing he is and all we've gained because of him. He's our ill brother that my mother, siblings and I have cared for over 20 yrs come this upcoming November 2013. When he turns 21yrs old. So as I was sitting back in my life's reflection. I was placed in two separate type of spheres. One that in ten years I will be 44 yrs old & some where in that space of time I hope to be married w/kids. And usually when I think of my future family fear isn't ever a feeling that's attached w/that vision. But yesterday in my mind & heart I grew afraid. Fear of the process of procreation, the fear of experiencing the reality that I will be responsible for giving my all to my eternal companion & children 24-7 and in that moment I realized how blessed I am. That even though I have to wait on my husband & kids. God is mindful of me & that this segment of my life is to be dedicated & focused on caring for tui. And its no wonder why tui always yawns & ignores me when I tell him about who I'm crushing on & if I can marry so and so. Lol typical brothers for you. I know even if tui weren't here and I was still single, I know the blessing is in the wait. So when we do receive what we beg God for, I know we appreciate it 100 times more because we had to wait. And if ten years from now if I'm still single I will still hold onto this knowledge because I know God is for me & wont forget me. I just can't allow my trials to let me forget him no matter the circumstances of life brings me. Living in a sphere of gratitude. :) and no longer overcome by my fears of what
my future family has in store for me.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Fresh Start

Everyone is looking for their center & the core of who they are as a person. Some know early on in life, others like a child off of "dance moms" cable sitcom are told who they are until they become a believer and a majority of people lose themselves in life and may or may not find out who they are or what they want until later than expected. But somehow we all find our way.
And with the recent boom of everyone trending their new years resolutions by making a fresh new start for themselves. I feel a fresh start begins as a moment to moment experience to be improved on one moment to the next. And doesn't have to be put off til the end of one year & a beginning of another new one. Becoming better now & free from all limitations is what i'm talking about. More aware,now better than ever, just because we've always been a certain way and have always done things a certain way, doesn't necessarily mean its the right way. With the exception of God leading the way.
Point blank, there is no excuse to acting a fool just because.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Happy Beginning, Happy New Year

Anyone who knows me has to know that I love dancing.
And so every New Year you will be sure to find me on a dance floor & this year was no different. And especially after a week of being sick. You know I was ready to get out of the house. Well I was w/ my sister Crystal Ainuu & we were Provo,Utah bound. We hit up a mid-singles dance that was cool but being the young-hearted sisters that we are we left early to support our family band. Orem 9th Ward where we danced our hearts out. And Auntie Tu'u had us rolling all night. And I just felt another sense of appreciation for the beautiful & talented family I come from. It felt so good to laugh the night away, grub and hear the advice of my loving twin crystal. Then to come home to rest & get my pkg from sister Mary Matila. Choc & Washington sweat shirt.. God is good & I'm still purging myself from past 2012 annonyances & pains. But today proved that an attitude for gratitude can overthrow any trial. Look forward to the future, appreciating the present & accepting the past for what it is & letting go. Letting Go...