Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Anger Management

If it's not obvious by now to all of you, I love writing. I've loved writing ever since I was a young girl. Remembering being introduced to "journaling" by my sister Rosie Afo. Taking what I learned from her and just running with it. Journaling since I was, hmmm 10 I believe.. Maybe even younger..
So when this concept of blogging came about it came natural to just do it.
I am grateful for the ability to write and even though there are alot of grammatical errors & misspelt words. I love this sense of escape, I gain from blogging. Which is and has always been my outlet to my anger issues. I've been talking a lot about this topic concerning anger because it's what I've been dealing with recently. It's what I'm taking a more proactive stand in curing & fixing.

So last week I mentioned that I'd be attending a weekly anger management class. Why? Why ova who's the most church attending, return missionary fullfilling, temple attending, I wanna save the world?Ova doing taking this class? Why would she need this to maintain her cool? What could she possibly be going through to make her go there? 
Well alot actually lol Which is besides the point.
Because what has dawn on me, is that my anger not only comes from pain & painful experiences felt in the past. That comes with life, right? No biggie.. Cause you can't know the sweet, without experiencing the bitter. You can't grow, without getting tested, through trials & opposition. And so what's the big deal? Well the big deal is that held in pain, eventually reverts into anger. And when that pain, turns into anger/rage, in some or all cases.The next thing that happens is that we lose control.
When your facing a breaking point. And it then you have to decide, What are you doing? How are you going to come to a solution?

  And I've come to that point, where I feel I am too grown, to continue this behavior of losing control, like some crazed teenager. And to me, that is partially what anger is to me, acting childish & losing self-control. Which is an all time, tell tell sign we (I,Ova) don't want to keep feeding. By running from my issues through "emotional outburts because I haven't trained myself to keep my cool.. Because when we are rejected or victimized by other peoples choices. We easily resolved to throw a fit, say cruel things & drag out grudges for days.
 To lose our self-control once again over meaningless moments..  Which would naturally escalate into more anger, knowing whether my point was completely right. In the end I was/am still wrong for acting out so poorly. Because I know better, we all do. When it comes to being so angry.. We cause our own misery by imprisoning ourselves with anger.
 And what an eye-opener, into a reality I knew about but wouldn't allow myself to be held accountable. Because I kept playing the "Blame Game" with thoughts like; "Well it's your fault I'm pissed you should've been there, You made me made cause you wouldn't see it from my point of view, It's your fault you think you know everything, I'm just trying to help you."
So this is a phaze of change.

And what was interesting about tonight's class was it reminded me of the saying "Act don't be acted upon." Meaning be assertive about how or what you are really feeling & don't be so uptight when  others don't meet my expectations." It's not realistic.
 We are all learning & just because I'm starting to become more self aware of what anger is & how to better cope with it. Doesn't mean the next person is gonna catch on as fast as I would like them too.
Bottom line is Anger kills, it stems from past pains. But can be cured by finding a purpose to repair, how one deals with that anger.
Whether it's openly noticed or hidden behind close doors. Anger benefits no one and is a learned habit that can be stopped. If you stop it yourself by getting educated, applying what you learned & teaching others..
So these classes have been good. I just need to keep on practing what I learned.Because change doesn't happen over night. But it never happens unless you keep doing & not just trying to improve on a weaknesses.. I would recommend fix,apply & teach others why it's important to let go of anger. The result of my journey through this experiment. Has lighten my spirit, I don't feel like I'm dragging along bricks of resentment,hate,envy etc on my back. And I'm able to  better  communicate with less anger. It feels good.. So try it.. Look for a listing of these type of classes in your area.  The Calm before the storm is what all of this is & smooth sailing from here on out.

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