Monday, July 30, 2012

Misunderstood Heart

This is gonna be one of my quickest postings compared to any other. Just because I'm short on time & really should be getting ready for church, instead of recording my feelings. But I feel a sense of urgency to express what's in my heart. As well as for what's on my mind. Which is the power of a parents love. We all know that I have yet to receive the  opportunity to bare my own children. But soon I just know it. :) But I wanted to quickly express the love I have for my parents. Mother Florence Olotoa Su'a'paia & my father Loimata Tuimatafau Fa'amaligi Mapuolesega Afo.. Two very opposites. If any two could be measured over a personality spectrum. But  between the two the obvious commonality is the 
 love they have for us.

Last night I was able to witness their willness to express guilt over mistakes they've made in the past. Whether by big or small choices due to their circumstances then. Their remorse was evident. With the motive of getting feelings out on the table to stengthen our family. No one knew what was coming or how this would help us to progress. But at the end of each ones turn, I learned even more about the importance valuing family members.
 Point is we all tend to jump to conclusions in what we want when we don't get it. And not to make excuses to remain misunderstood. Because pride won't express what the heart is feeling.  Am I my brother's keeper? Yes!!
Do something good for someone and it'll gurantee a good gesture will retun.. :)

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Journey To Higher Ground

It's been a very busy week with my besties Tati Skipps & Doraleen Levao. Window shopping for Doraleen's wedding, dance practice & picking up wedding stuff has been an adventure to say the least.. Experiences galore with a bunch of different people.. During all of this sister time & hanging out with Granger 11 YSA throughout this week, I've come to gain a greater appreciation for my Samoan brother's & sisters in the Samoan Ward. A few weeks ago we held our Divine Heritage choir fireside for Volta Samoan ward.. In which we had those in attendance act like they were boarding a plane that would crash & then they'd experience what would happen in the after life. From what we believe thorough gospel principals would happen once we'd die. It's a fireside I truly feel everyone should experience at least once in my opinion.

So anyway this past week was Samoan Flag week and like I said I got to experience more than my usual share of various adventures. And because people don't get along, we have two separate Samoan Flag Days. Meaning one is held in Taylorsville, which broke off from the original group. That holds their Samoan Flag Day @ West Valley Centennial Park. Now granted I know that working in any size group is hard work. I myself am the type of person that was raised by the standard "When the boss says do this & that, than you do exactly that without a second thought."
Which saves alot of arguing to me & room for debate. Where the possiblity of everyone trying to be the chief & no one assuming the position of indian concerning a group setting..

And since this year started & with working hard through our Divine Heritage Choir. I've come to witness the importance of team work, compromise & humility to assume the position of being secure in the role that your assign. Because being a choir member is just as important as being the president. For the obvious reasoning that with out one you can't accomplish the main goal. Which in a choir is to bring souls to Christ. And in speaking on these comittees having two separate Samoan Flag Days. I agree with my best friend Tati when she says "If anything these comittees should be promoting unity because having two separate flag days makes us look stupid." So a major lesson I've learned in going to both of these functions has been pride kills. Kills unity, compromise & the security that our culture can come together as one & put all the egos & hurt feelings aside for future generations to keep the traditions of our ancestors. To move forward in peace.
All in all I hope they will eventually make a mence & fix it. Cause if we continue to not get along & always want to be the chief & not the indians in the village. Who's to say we won't continue to have people add on every few years with the mindframe of "Hmmmm I don't care for so & so & their opinions, I'm gonna have my own Samoan Flag Day this year." Then we end up with 20 different flag days in one week on the same week. That would be just a whole lot of waste time to me and a disgrace to our culture. That again people allow their prides kill their opportunity to rise above all that mess to journey to higher ground & get things done the right way.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Boardwalk Angels

I am so grateful for a variety of things this week. But the biggest thing I'm grateful for are the tender mercies of the Lord. For awhile now I've been in a funk. My attitude about my life was making a quick downward spiral to the dark side. I wasn't feeling right, acting right or even serving in a manner that would have anyone wanna choose the right. Which caused all these negative things begin to creep into my mind & heart. But this week Heavenly Father proved to me how much he loves me.
Especially when I don't deserve it.

From helping me to trust in his timing, have faith in what I pray for daily, to as far as to help me awake to the people who love me & making new friends.. And today I'm just really grateful for his endless reminders of how strong that love is if I but listen. Concerning so many personal matters that I won't go into detail about just because something are meant to be kept private. But I will say this much & a little of my 2 cents on how to handle things when your at your lowest.
And that is the emptiness you feel can all be swallowed up by learning how to pray consistently. And if you don't know how to pray or you don't feel worthy enough to pray.
Be humble enough & ask for help & I promise you will not regret it. And it doesn't mean if you start on this new journey that everything will go your way or prevent heartaching experiences happen to you. But what I can gurantee is that Heavenly Father will teach you how to react & endure better than you have ever done in your entire life. I promise that you won't regret it but to get there you got to be HUMBLE & BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN BE HUMBLE.
My dad Loimata Afo has been with us for a couple of days & it's been amazing. Even though he wakes me up earlier than I'd I love having him with us & seeing him interact with our family & the grandkids. Men need to understand their presence sets such an amazing feel for a household. And that they should never think they don't mean or make an impact. Because without them families aren't complete. So this daddy's girl is so happy he's here for a bit.

I got a job yesterday doing customer service, got sundays off & they gave me time off for Doraleen's wedding & so I'm beyond thrilled. Crossing my fingers I get a morning shift & hired on for good. My bestie Tatiana Skipps has moved here to utah & I'm so happy about that & to see where we grow from here. So like I said changes are setting in & more are to arrive. Tomorrow is the 2nd to last day of Samoan Flagg Week. More on that experience & Pioneer Day on my next blog.
Love you all my very own Boardwalk Angels have a great life!

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Boyz Vs Girls

So this post is about what my conversation with my guy cousin on the subject of marriage & what he said to me. How it's over-rated in his opinion. Now that he is in the process of a possible 2nd divorce.
And what a perfect intro to this subject none other then to go over this video clip from "The Little Rascals."

Though this clip is super funny & the bickering has a lot of truth to it. I wonder at what point does it start to make sense? When do two people finally have their stars align perfectly in the sky? That all of sudden one day their no longer disgusted by each other's scents anymore, like these little rascals. But what was once annonying to them, has turned into a wish come true between two individuals. That maybe guys aren't so bad & vice versa. 
So like I told my cousin at the YSA dance last night, "Marriage isn't over-rated at all."
But what I did want to blog about is that the "Fairy Tale verison of Marriage," is what's over-rated. The no one has problems part is over-rated, everyday is a lovey dovey walk in the park is over-rated & most of all the person you end up with is perfect is over-rated. Because in reality that's all a bunch of over-rated mumble jumble.
Is it possible to have happiness in marriage? To be with someone that is filled with charity, chivalry & kindness? And whatever else is on your list? I believe it's possible but it takes work. Anything you really want takes work, sacrifice & pure endurance.
So because I'm single, I often get a lot of advice from married people. But just recently I got some helpful advice from my brother John Toutai aka "John Doe." Who  just recently got into a relationship & for some reason felt that I needed to hear some "Dr. Hitch" type of insight. He goes "O when I see people in the same boat that I use to be in, I want to help them get out of it, so GET OUT OF THE BOAT OVA!" What he was getting to was that he wanted me to date somebody, anybody but just date with the frame of mind of "Everyone is an option."
I had to ask him again, why he felt so inclined to tell me all of this right then. And all he kept saying was cause, he was happy with his girl and felt I deserved the same to be happy with someone.. It was a very informative bonding session and what I got out of it was there's no time like the present to move forward & progress.
After the dance last night & venting to my sister Emma Taufui about my conversation with my cousin on the whole marriage/divorce situation he's in & then asking her to pray for my situtation. She reminded me again what "John Doe" was saying about moving forward. But in this instance Emz was saying "The Lord doesn't work the way I want him too." And she went onto say "What are you doing to improve your searching situtation?" Are you doing your part in action & not just in prayers & asking people to pray for my situtuation. I was stumped because all I have in my court were replayed assumptions, over this dude I was telling her about. Thoughts for example like;
"He won't go for me becuz he goes for skinny girls."
"If he wanted me, he would ask me for my time."
Crippled by my past about this person the next few thoughts came, "I tried so many times before to put myself out there & show my interest in him & he never took the opportunity before to step up." "Why would this year be any different if I put myself out there again??
Distructive self-talk I know, huh? My sister Tirae says those are signs of my high-functioning blog about that later. heehee an entirely whole different
 Well these three love ones of mine John Doe,Emz & Tirae had me thinking alot over my behavior and what bright lights of hope & realization that I needed from them to finally remind me to be more open & just be.
 Remembering it's not Boyz vs Girls or Me vs Girls that I assume my potential crushes, maybe into at the moment moreso than them ever being into me.
 But what's important is that I get out of my way & stop sabotaging myself. Like how we all do to ourselves. By losing faith in ourselves, in our love interest & especially on what the Lord has instored for our hearts. Because we've been hurt in the past, cheated on, broken relationships, engagements, divorced more than once or just out of fear running from love.
But I know without a doubt we aren't meant to exist or live alone. I know that even though the wait maybe the longest tormenting haul through singleness.
 I know that love will surface & the game of Boyz vs Girls won't be so much of an issue of keeping score of who's not doing what or who's doing everything. But love will combine two opponets. Creating the ultimate dream team, schooling everyone on the court that love is attainable. Past all the mumble jumble real love does exist & marriage isn't over-rated once faith exceeds the fear within us all.

Dancing Queen

So I can tend to be a big time complainer & am usually a silent one at that :( call it passive aggressiveness. But yeah, more then often I catch myself in that zone. So I was sitting at home bored out of my mind yesterday. Thinking hmmm what to do? I wanna go out but I'm super broke & my besties are either out & about or preparing to go on vacations.
Which just had me fall into a lazy mode. Running it over & over again in my mind thoughts of I'm gonna just stay at home on a Friday night & be cool with it.
Well I wasn't really cool with it at all lol. Because who was I tryna fool, I'm a ka'a (translation>> itchy to go out) queen of america. And I heard earlier during the day, my old ward SLC 2nd YSA was having a repp your team jersey dance, held at SLCC. And usually I'd be all over it & trying to find a ride to hit up any SLC 2nd event.
However last night because I was in a lazy mode, I also began to slip into pity party thinking "arrggh ova you have  no friends" And at that moment I resolved to just stay home & wallow away in my non-ka'aness friday night. Well like some superheros out of a comic book. Edna Aiono & Sina Ika came flying by to save the day. Not only that I was able to sport my team jersey for half of the night. OH YES!! L.A. LAKERS BABY... Then later into the night, like I was kim kardashian or I changed into my Sixer's jersey to repp for my former hubby lol. Alan Iverson.. Which made for an escape out of my slumpy mood.

My Man Allen Iverson

Well we got to the dance an hour after it started. Thinking we'd be late. But of course we weren't! We weren't late at all lol if anything we were opening up the dance. Missing opening prayer by seconds. Since we sat in the truck for a half an Polynesians tend to arrive 2hours later from when programs begin. A big pet peeve of mines. So anyway on a happier note.. As we approached the entrance way, we were greeted by the Activities Chairman. None other than Hans "Chubby" Fonoimoana..

Saluations went a lil like this if I remember correctly. Chubbs: "Ahhhh not the Lakers, you can go & you can go," pointing at Edna (die hard fan that girl)lol and myself.. Then as Sina walked up closer, Chubbs exclaims "Utah? yeah your ok but the other two nah."lol  such haters them Laie Boyz.. :) But thank goodness for Chubbs because he kicked off our night with nothing but laughs. Acting crazy, making jokes & dancing to his own beat to every song. Which I was grateful for on behalf of all of us. It's not always easy going back to a ward that you love so much but have to move on from because of church rules. Especially due to a person's age. However God was truly mindful of Edna,Sina & I by providing Chubbs as entertainment. Because not only do I think we might've left early if he hadn't. I truly believe that I would've remained in my sour mood.. So pick ups & props to tender mercies of the Lord in keeping us motivated..

Well the night continued on & a lot of our brothers & sisters from the Volta Samoan Ward YSA & Granger 11th attended. Which is always a great sight to see polynesians of all islands come together. I spotted my fijian that I use to talk to from last summer. Didn't wanna force a conversation with him. Never know when a guy is tryna get at other girls. So ignorning my brother Ammaron Taula's advice to go over & talk to him was the sensible thing to do. I kept my space & I don't think my fijian minded at all. Or he would've step to Plus I figure if a guy really wants to conversate or bond he will come over. My fijian didn't come over, so I went on with my celebrating on the dance floor.. :)

So the dance was packed & it was so great to be in the company of the ones I love. Both old & new friends under the same roof doing what I love most.. Which is dancing for hours on top of hours. And my dance partners, the Aiono sisters, Fetu, her ysa, my young women from Utah county, Mone Langi, some random drunk guy, Ammaron Taula & yes can't forget who started it all off, drum roll Introducing 49ers most devoted fan, Kahuku Red Raider Rider to die fo' Mr. Hans "Chubby" In my element of music, good people & light refreshments I was on cloud 9.. And to top it the night off I ran into 3 of my guy cousins. One in which expressed how he's on his 2nd divorce and I was like what? What is wrong with us? Your on your second divorce & I can't even get one marriage.. We laughed & he said "No worries sis marriage is over-rated." Which I cut him off & firmly stated. "NO BROTHER! it's not cause my kids are waiting on me as I'm waiting on my husband." Where the heck is that guy!?" We laughed some more & he promised we'd get together for lunch soon to catch up.. This perspective on marriage & divorce is something I wanna talk more about. But not til my next post.

I left the dance all worked out from breaking a continuous sweat on the dance floor, grateful that I have great friends & family to boost me up when things get rough, restoring my hope that happiness in the smallest things brings forth more gratitude for the bigger things. Especially when those moments wheather big or small are unexpected. Just loving reminders that God hasn't forgotten me. I've said it before & I'll continue to say it
I Love my SLC YSA's
& right hand over my fatu fatu.. :)

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Fast & Furious Summer

I was a junior in high school when I unwhittingly dropped out of high school. At the time like the frog who ends up getting boiled in a pot, I didn't even realized that I had dropped out. It was so gradual & before I knew what was happening. I was living a life on the run from my parents. Bouncing from house to house, finding shelter under the roof of some of the most loving sisters, I could ever ask for at that time. Doing anything to keep from getting sent to live in Samoa. Man that was scarey running from Vegas to L.A. feeling like a fugative on
"America's Most Wanted."

Or the time I ran away to Ogden so I could get to California. Naive thinking I could make it on my own.. Two things you never wanna do. One- run from your "Samoan Dad or Samoan Aunties." Cause once you get caught their silent treatments or questions of your purity. Hurt way worse then any beat down given could in comparison. Because my parents were finally calling it quits on their marriage. I ended up calling it quits on myself & the more effective example I should've been for my siblings as the oldest child. So I turned to my sugarhouse sisters Lulu Leka, Angie Dibella, Rena Ripley,Sia Finau,Veronica Tagaloa & though Rosie Unga isn't a sugar house sister. She still was & is my sister that I will be grateful for always. They were an outlet for me to feel worthy of myself. Because they were being judge over drinking,smoking & stealing then. I felt that I could be a better example to them then I could ever be for my siblings. Which drew me further away from my family.
Lulu & Havea's Wedding Day
(when we made ourselves her bridesmaid)lol

I didn't think things out clearly because I had such a hard time feeling judged by the company I kept. So I took it upon myself to prove that they were good people. Not fully understanding in that whole process I was losing myself. Because I choose to lose myself & again ignorantly blow up the fact that I felt like a failure in life. Like I was the first person in the whole wide world to ever drop out of high school and that I had amounted to nothing.
Lu,Baby,Sia & Rena

Then came the day I decided to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The very best decision I could've ever made. There's not a minute in the day that I don't think of my families I met on the mission, the relationship I cultivated with my Savior & Heavenly Father out on the mission & the fact that after 9yrs of being home this year July 16,2003 they are my foundation in which I've been able to remain faithful.

I can't believe I just now realize this past Monday was my 9yr mark of being home. That's a picture of us the night before we departed the California Los Angeles Mission. How grateful I am to being a member of this church & the opportunity I got to serve. Especially during the nights & days I feel less then my best. God is Good! All the time, God is Good! A talk that helped me out today.. Check the following link cuz I know it'll inspire you too..
(Click Here) <<<
Well we're still preparing for our sister Doraleen's wedding. Got the blessing to run into my sister Michelle Fui last weekend at Leen's. A much needed reunion & great moment. The time has just been flying by this year. Especially this summer & through it all I'm still alive & kicking. We have a choir "plane crash" fireside for the Samoan Volta Ward this sunday. It'll be a treat & something to blog about on my next post. Enjoy the quote :) & my new jam..

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”
Mahatma Gandhi,   

Sunday, July 15, 2012

What If...

What if Hilter never killed so many Jews, would we have world peace today? What if Obama never made it a goal to become the President of the United States? Would minorities quit dreaming to become the first non-white person to fill that seat? What if? WHAT if? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT IF??
The real question I'm trying to get to is What if we were all the type of people who never served one another? Would this world be better off? Better off being people filled with cynical attitudes? Entitled outlooks? & unwilling hearts to give? To me it would pure hell if the world was like that all the time. So today I'm grateful for my Lord & Savior.. Because through all of my weaknesses & the hate that I can tend to feel, within me from time to time for people. Christ always, without fail, invites & tells me to "Come Unto Him especially when I fall & am misunderstood to keep moving forward & stay on his side."
 So when it comes to God, for me there is no What ifs...
 What if I let go of the gospel prinicipals I comitted too years ago, would it matter? What if I just throw in the towel & not care about my family, that for sure wouldn't matter? And what if I blame God for everything I haven't gotten in the sense of miracles? Life should be easier to live, right? NOPE IT WOULDN'T BE EASIER!!! And so I've comitted too my "becoming list" instead of having a "to do list." so I'm living above my full potential. I'm done with
"what if's" & prepared to map out more "why not's"
Whatever may come I will love it :) til I make it back to Christ.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Family Roots

My dad's 1st cousin Kalala Fauolo had her 50th birthday party today. Her mom Auntie Lusi is my Grandma Aimiti's sister. We arrived with King Tui & as usual we gained instant attention. Not by anything concerning me. If we're popular it's all because of  King Tui.. :)
Me,Sister Dahni, King Tui & Heidi's Son
Well, the setting was beautiful music bouncing off the stage, family hugs & kisses as we made our way to our table & just a great feeling of being in our element.
 Meaning entertainment, food & family..

Me & Auntie Kalala
There was a portion of the program where people expressed their love to Auntie Kalala, followed by a show from sister ipo vea's girls, then the og section by ipo & mz ledda aka leta... I witnessed pure talent for about 3 hours & a sense of pride came over me. That I was born into a family, though at times can be super dramatic. I come from a family that is skilled in so many areas & tonight just proved to me where our drive comes from & rooted in us at a very young age.
Mom,Teuila,Tile,Me, Auntie Kalala,Ena
& King Tui
 I couldn't have asked for a better family. Because of our 2nd generation of parents, aunties & uncles that never did anything half-way. If they knew they could do something they did it. With all their heart & soul. If they didn't know how to do something, you'd better believe they wouldn't lead anyone to discover it. And they'd just pick up what they were trying to learn as fast as they could & move along life like they were born naturals..
Bosslady aka My Sis Tile & I
Our second generation of Mapu's really move me to be just like them. Words could never do justice in expressing how grateful I am to learn from their examples. Tonight I missed the aunties & uncles that weren't present. But I am sure grateful for the ones that were in attendance. I pray that my husband hurry's the heo up lol so we can have these spiritual giants at our wedding. Ain't NO FAMILY BAND LIKE OUR FAMILY BAND & that's the truth.. Afo's, Mapu's,Galeai's & anyone who came from Uncle Lei'a Mapu's direction. :)

Hide & Seek

Have you ever tried to keep things from people & once they've found out, thought to yourself "Now, what was the big deal in hiding that?" lol In my life I've been known to run away from things & hide my feelings all the time. Whether they were feelings for crushes, my friends & especially from my family. And that's why journal writing & blogging has been my favorite outlets. Not to forget in mentioning "song writing." So since I'm such a "professional hider." lol I can easily detect when people are hiding their true feelings or opinions. And if I'm comfortable enough with the person & know we won't end up in debates. I will call them out on it & explain how much I want to help. And just to go along with my last post about "choices."  I want to express for myself more than for anyone else reading, that hiding is a BIG FAT WASTE OF TIME! It causes unnecessary stress, anxiety & eventual anger & pain.
I don't have this being brave & open down to a science. I still faulter here & there. But when I relapse in expressing myself. I make sure the next test is headed off with more courage & determination to be quick to step up instead of stepping off. Which then builds up more confidence, strength & endurance within me.
I'm not trying to brag or be full of myself. I'm just trying to say if there's something your hiding from or a relationship your afraid to define. Stall no longer & SPEAK UP.. You only need 20 seconds of insane courage & I promise you something great will come out of it. I'm sure of it! Whether that great thing be exactly what you fought for or if that great thing is something that will lead you to exactly what will give you more joy then what you had planned for in the beginning. Sorry for the run on HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH!

This Is True

I was reading over one of my favorite bloggers posting today and was inspired to talk about "free agency" & "choices."
She's an amazing writer,lyrical genius & big hearted sister. And right now she's going through somethings. So without going into detail about it. The reason I wanted to talk about "choices" was because of this following comment she made.

"I am not the type of girl 2 force my husband 2 do something he is not ready for, in all honesty I do not want my husband 2 go through the temple for me @ all, I don't even want him 2 come 2 church unless he wakes up and decides he wants 2 go."

Now this particular sister of mine has always been one I've admired & can always learn from on any given occassion. So when I read that statement, I in my singleness, couldn't even begin to imagine the struggles marriage entails. I've sure witnessed it, heard stories & have seen it on TV. But to be in it on "real time" status. I would have no clue. Especially when spouses aren't on the same page about anything. Not just about spiritual matters  but any issue. So through my sister Sina's blog, I had to take true inventory on myself.
Because if anyone knows me well enough. They have come to know, that once I'm passionate about something, especially if it comes to spiritual matters. I usually can't take no for an answer. And if I have to learn the hard way. Due to alot of stubborness, tears & venting that "No" is the answer. From the person/persons or God. Then I'm that more aware that no one can be controlled or forced into doing something they don't want to do. No matter how good the intention or cause is that I'm trying to hype up. I'm coming to a consistant reality that no one can be forced to do anything. Everyone has to choose for themselves what they want out of life.  So when this sister of mine said she wasn't that type of  
person, to force a husband to do A,B,C or D. I have to say, I have so much respect for my sina & the way she is as a person. Because I don't know if I could do the same thing if I were her. Just because one- I'm a bit of a control freek & in But also I tend to overdo things, which usually is interpreted into overstepping my boundaries. :) But the heart of the matter in talking about all of this right now. Is that I would hope people begin to realize that they deserve the best in life. They deserve to know God & they deserve to stop living below their potential. Religion can be difficult to live, it's even that more difficult to share but I know once people start to believe in themselves & that they can do it. That they will be so grateful they choose to turn to the Lord. Because to me this life is too difficult to live without him. I know I couldn't do it & I don't know how anyone can manage with living without him.

 But getting back to choices it begins with them desiring to have God in ones life.  And how to inspire or plant that desire into someone else, I wouldn't have a clue of doing. Or else every person that I love or have ever loved would have that knowledge, for themselves today. Truth is this life is meant to be lived for God. No matter how many times one tends to fall & fail. This life is meant to be guided by God & lived with him as the only choice for redemption through this life.

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Burning Up

It's a super hot Sunday, July evening & I've been feeling so so as usual moody.. But also as usual as that I know my life is still a blessing. I've been so grateful that my love for writing is gradually coming back. I'm becoming more active in searching out things & people to become inspired by.
So yesterday I was able to go & watch "What to expect, when your expecting." A family comedy about men & women dealing with pregnancy at different stages. Whether it's adopting from another country, one-night stands that evovle into miscarriage that continues to evovle into two people falling in love, Mid-marrys that have tried years to getting pregnant & older individuals who are wived by women half their age.. I went into this movie totally pumped that I would laugh my head off. But there was two things that kinda detoured that intention. Which was one where I am currently in my romantic status..
A big fat S for "SINGLE.." LOL
And another big fat capital phrase on
"M&M" Monthly Menstral!lol So instead of laughing through out the entire movie.. If ever we were to go into a drout here in Utah. My "Cry Me A River" episode from yesterday would've gotten out of that predicment. lol

I finally could see out loud, why men struggle with getting into serious relationships & staying in one. Now that doesn't mean that I approve of cheaters, slackers or guys that just wanna hang out without progressing. But what I am saying is I see why guys take FOOOOOREEEEVER to comit.. I had a love one say to be recently, I don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship because I don't want to lose my freedom or have to answer to anyone.

I pray that men of all ages & relationship status' understand this one thing.  "We women are just as scared but at least in my opinion, we bite the bullet & overcome that fear because we understand that being a successful relationship it takes a team."
In the famous lyrics of the great Michael Jackson, "You are not alone & so don't get it twisted & try to do everything on your own.


Friday, July 6, 2012


It's been said, that when in doubt don't do it. Meaning don't do whatever your debating in doing. It also has been said that when things get tough, fake it til you make it. Which is really saying, at least to me, be two faced til your happy.
Where am I going with these list of sayings? I'm really not too sure but what I am positive about is the following. I'm feeling as if I'm losing my love for writing. Not only writing but serving like I use to serve.. O.M. & it leads me to believe I'm dying in a slow battle against myself. But also against 
staying out of the "Me-itis" phaze..
Where everything has to be about me, what I'm feeling, not feeling or should be feeling. And this just came to surface while chilling & expressing myself to my Sister Rosie Afo over a late breakfast.
Sadd... huh? Hope this isn't a sign of mid-life crisis.. :(  Now that would totally suck.

Anyway just had to vent that out. Would never want to lose my love of writing. Just because I came down with a case of "Me-itis." :(
Blessings of this week has been being around my family, picking a daily principal & through the power of prayer conqueoring the weakness that keeps me from retaining that principal & last but not least listening more than speaking. Especially times spent bonding w/everyone. I guess I'm not as un-inspired as I thought. I  just had to remind myself, just how blessed I really am.
Have a happy Week my blogging aiga..
Enjoy my jam his voice is super shexy.. Country all day erryday..

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

And So I Write

That blog title "And so I write," was one I stole from my bro Mycal Alo.. So gotta give him kudos. There's alot that has been trying me lately. But instead of blogging it out as usual. I'm gonna attempt to "Freedom Write" in the form of a poem. But if it doesn't come out as a normal poem.. Then it's just me "Vent Writing." Anyway hope it inspires you & if it doesn't hopefully someone will be.

I sang alone the other day
But I was met by a choir of angels
Divine Heritage pulsed their souls
They lifted the audience
like no other choir could
They testified of a rod of iron
For the youth to never let go
Rekindling testimonies that longed to give up..

I witnessed men treat women like queens
Gentle gestures nothing to extreme.
Quiet Dignity beamed off their glow
These men taught humble lessons
That little boys aren't ready to uphold
These men didn't do it for show
I noticed real men step up that day
I witnessed them be thoughtful men, that didn't need to be told.

I lost another love one to creeping death
We called him sumo
While the world knew him as anderson soni mapu lotulelei.
A steadfast solider of  enduring faith
Who triumphed over every physical & emotional pain
life could give
He will be missed dearly
And yet through the strength of our Lord
We know we'll be reunited one day
Family angels never really fly that far way
Til we meet again in our heavenly home.
We love you Soni "Sumo" Mapu Lotulelei.
By Overland Afo
Sumo & Me @ Auntie Vena Mapu Finau's
My cousin wouldn't want us to be sad & he loved to dance.. One of his shirts he'd wear said "I'm kind of a Big Deal." So this beyonce cut would be fitting for our dancing bro.. Because he is & was a big deal to all of us & am so proud to call him family. Love you Sumo!