Wednesday, July 24, 2013

I Get So Emotional Baby!

I remember the first time I was label a "Drama Queen," I was like what the heck? Get over yourself :) But while looking back over the years in the last week. Interacting with various love ones and frenz. I'd have to admit, I can see where I have been a "Drama Queen" and exactly who & what trigger's the beastly reactions. :) And as I grow wiser through my personality findings, if you will. I'm discovering I'm not owning up to my truest emotions. I relapse and put myself before God. Which then causes me to lash out at people. Either indirectly while fresh and in the moment. Or days, months to years later when I unexpectedly explode on people. When I should have been honest and direct about my feelings from the get go. And probably shouldn't have been so dramatic over certain things & people.. And so with age comes the wisdom that like the saying goes. "Don't make permanent decisions over temporary feelings." I can say by living that way it will cut alot of drama quick. It's been a refining week at working on this principal of patience. But its working itself out and I am gaining less of my dramatics & more of what God intends. Which then exsudes more smiles no matter the circumstance and less emotionnal outbreaks. Life is improving & so am I. A pioneer on the horizon towards a greater me. Happy Pioneer Day!

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Happily Ever Beginnings

To every fairy tale everyone anticipates a "Happily Ever After." Like back in the day, through stories of damsels in distress that eventually get saved by a dashing prince.Until "Ever After" came out in Hollywood lol
Well it's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. That whole concept of "Happily Ever Afters" because to me the just of those stories are two people looking for love through a journey of opposition, period.

Now, now don't get crazy. This isn't "Ova's usual rant about men" or "Why do people keep asking me about when am I gonna get married." Nope.. This is about finding the joy of focusing on the "Beginnings" rather than "Endings" of relationships, careers, dreams and pretty much anything else, you can think of that would be seen as an "ending" of what you don't want to give up or let go in your personal lives.
When you should be concentrating on the "New Beginnings" God is trying to give you.

Now mind you, like all of my other blogs you might've read. I do not claim to be an expert on anything. Not religion-Nope not me, Not family relationships-Nope, not me neither and my ultimate favorite, Love of & for the opposite sex-Nope, especially not me, about being an expert on those topics.
 But back to the point I'm trying to make about "Happily Ever Beginnings."
 I have come to my own conclusion that  might or might not work for you. But I hope to inspire that you find your own solution, If you don't find mines to work for you. And that is, if you are finding yourself stuck in a rut of getting over your own "Unhappy Endings." May you  find a remedy through this post.
 So here goes..

My secret ingredient to my secret ingredient lol is simply living with more gratitude.. In the last 3 months it's been an emotional rollercoaster for me. Sometimes by my own stupidity and at other times because that's just how life goes. Meaning there will be emotional highs & lows. Like the scriptures say, "You can not know the sweet without the bitter and vice versa."

 So like always when things get really crazy around my sphere of cray,cray. I always turn to God. Doesn't mean I always do or follow through with what he advises. But I turn to him anyway and lately he's been saying; "Ova relax, Ova trust me, Ova forgive (a huge spiritual slap in the face)lol, Ova I love you, Ova let go, etc. And like trying to pull someone's messed up tooth out of their mouth. At times I wouldn't let God pull it (meaning my pains) no matter the pain because I wasn't ready to let go. I wasn't ready to heal, wasn't ready to forgive and wasn't ready to move on.

But here's the blessings that I've received since I've humbled myself. And that's peace of mind & heart. The greatest gifts I've been able to hold onto recently. Am I completely happy? Nope. Am I living my full potential? Not fully. Am I gonna give up? NEVER!
And it's because God is with me. It's because I've stopped trying to tell him how things are going to be and like I said before it's because I'm living with more gratitude in my heart. That whether through joy or disappointment, with each passing day. I praise him & keep my focus on what's beginning in my life rather than what's ending or has ended. It's not easy but it's worth it. It's not painless but it's possible to get through the pain. Only with God at the helm of whatever is suppose to be. And this is how I know you can find your way to obtaining your own secret ingredient to your secret ingredient of your search for happiness. Because nothing really ends it's just a transition to a new beginning. But it's up to you if it'll be a happy one or not.

Monday, July 15, 2013

There Is Forgiveness

Yesterday was a great day for me because I was able to attend
all 3 hours of church. Even though I
was exhausted from Friday & Saturday's activities. I managed to
stay focused and appreciate getting
some spiritual nourishment.

So during sacrament a brother testified about forgiveness.
Which for me in the past & sometimes
in the here & now. Depending on the
person. I've been know to forgive one
quicker than another. But at other times I'm totally unforgiving because the
offense cuts super deep.

And so when this brother continued on & stated that a fellow ward member
lashed out on him for no reason. Instead of reacting negatively.
 He'd give the upset man, a charitable reply of "I love you brother."
 And the point he stressed was that forgiveness is to set the offended free.
 As for the offender if he never apologizes. The best option is to Let
GO& Let God handle it. So that testimony truly stuck with me.

What would then amazingly, prepare me for what would follow later that evening. Which wasn't even 24hrs later from listening to this testimony on forgiveness. Testing whether I'd apply what I learned from earlier or ignore the lesson taught. By disrespecting this relative I considered an enemy that I happened to run into that evening.

Well I decided to take the highroad & first of
all accept. One-  I will never get an honest explanation about the past.
Two- despite that I will be treated as the odd man out while in the company of this relative & mutual friends. At least I will have the peace that I've always & will always have that I remain true to myself. Which then makes it all that more important to forgive 70 times 7 no matter how right I may feel I am about anything. Concerning anyone in my life. Remembering I must forgive as Christ forgives is my calling. And I will die trying to master that principal because in his eyes everyone deserves forgives. And I can't give anything less then that ever.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Dark Places ,Hidden Treasures

It has been a rolercoaster of a week. And reflecting back as usual in every
moment. I've gained & improved in so
many places. And life continue to be
moving in an upward spiral. I am falling in love with myself. Meaning
I'm not hating on myself, I'm asking for what I deserve & if I dont get it. I fight to accept the outcome and
then I teach myself to grow forward instead of dying in a standstill.
The best lesson I learned was that when we're in a rush to gain blessings. We lose out because in rushing the Lord we show him how faithless we are to his word.
LIKE my homie j.smalls says "Pray more Stress Less." You do that everyone and you will find treasures after your darkest hours pass. Called blessings :)

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Five Months

I find it discouraging to the point of majorly annoying that when you try to live right. There is a misconception that a person has it easy. Because let me be the first to say "We DON'T!"

I constantly have to find things,people,God
to keep me afloat &akmp; sane. So pretty much in these last two weeks. I about lost my mind because this was only One of the very few times I've ever really have felt true rage.
It wasn't pretty at all and if my dad wasn't patient. I wouldnt be writing this blog.
For real lol

So how did I get through it?
First of all, I usually pray like crazy. When faced with moments like
this but in this instance that wasn't
the case. Instead I broke down to my parents
(in true drama queen fashion)lol,
I listen to my dad's counsel,
I listen to alot of iyerize & youtube new music &
only then did I continue praying to chg my perspective & soften my heart.
And once I did that & continue to go through those steps.

Plus living true to God'z scriptures, rehabtime,writing was I am able to function.
Proving I am able survive pain in any struggle.

In 2008 we lost our love ones to death. Beginning in March with our bro Tuau to suicide, a week or so later our cousin marissa to cancer, July the chief of our family Tema Afo. Then Yesterday remembering our nephew Tuau who was stillborn.
Thinking about that year & our aiga angels.
I know if we have survived for this long from the pain of those losses.
We can survive anything with the Lord.

So it's long overdue to begin to start living happily. Even though their not here physically.
It's time to enjoy the family members who are still here. Five years ago is gone but
those angels can never be forgotten.
We love you always. Push forward love ones.