Monday, June 27, 2016

Don't Sleep On Me

It's funny to me that in this life we have so much to offer the world. But most often we get in our own way. Either because we don't believe enough in ourselves or we believe too much in ourselves but end up dumbing down ourselves because of the opinions of others. "So & so is gonna think my idea is dumb" or "So & so's idea is better than my own" etc. I am at a crosswords of knowing where I want to be and where I feel I'm standing so still in my life. I matters well be the statue of liberty. lol However the upside of how I'm currently feeling is this "I'm better than I was and I will become better than I am!!" Or at least I will die trying to live that way.

Just a couple of more days before we are past the half way mark of 2016. It's been somewhat of a hellish previous 6months. Refinement on many different levels that I've never really felt previously throughout my life. I find myself more prone to truly be where I need to be when I need to be there. I'm learning that people hate change & no one really is honest unless their comfortable in standing alone. 

I know who's for me & who is just pretending. The great thing about the whole thought of it all is that it's ok cuz God is always there to help me. The rest of 2016 is bound to be amazing. Til we meet again Sister Brown we love you!

Thursday, June 9, 2016


I am currently reading a self-help book by Devon Franklin and Meagan Good. You will know Meagan for her playing roles as leading lady in "Stomp the Yard", supporting actress in "You got Served" as Beautifullll & other urban movies. Devon you probably wouldn't know because he has been in the entertainment industry behind the scenes. Mostly known for producing "Jumping the Broom" movie which help connect himself and Meagan Good. They are a united couple now who are much in love & promoting their Christianity through this book the "Wait" in hopes to helping individuals understand the power of "Waiting" on holding off on having sex before marriage & other life milestones that they've experienced the benefits in waiting.

It's June 9,2016 and in revisiting how I've progress and haven't progress in the last 6months. I've come to recognize that in "Waiting" on reacting to certain situations and people. I've been beyond blessed. My muscles on being more patient, compassionate and forgiving has increased. And yet on the flipside. When I've allowed my emotions to get the best of me, poor behavior on the side of how others act and then my attitude of that behavior. I've seen those above attributes decrease and my levels of overreacting, anger to boarder liner rage consume me.

So what have I done to improve? How am I fixing my current messes? I am making a more active effort to have Heavenly Father heal me. I am taking myself out of projects that I feel I'm not giving my most effective self to and I am finding more time to want to meditate. Which starts off with doing my best to not take anything personal, less assuming and being more loving.

I have tons of broken relationships that need mending. I know tons of people who could careless in mending those relationships. But just like the woman on the beach among tons of starfish that were on the sandy shore and her picking them up one by one throwing them back into the ocean. Then asked by a passer byer why she was tryna save the starfish when there were so many. Would it really make a difference in going on to the next starfish? Would it really matter?

And as she gently picked up the next starfish and threw it into the ocean. She kindly replied "It made a difference and matter to that one." Just like that young girl. I personally don't know half the time why I do what I do, when I do it. Most times I just want to throw in the towel and be like the hell with being faithful, being the example or being the one others so easily mock. But in the same breathe in having those defeating thoughts I remember my God, my Savior and I push forward or in the instance of the last few months. I wait on the Lord and just trust that through all these trials and questioning why? I am reassured that it's for my good and for those who are to enter my life, their good as well. So be still, listen and never underestimate the love of the Lord for me. All things are working for the greater good of what's to come my way. In that I'm able to continue faith forward.