Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Sooo Gone

If I could just cut my head open & pour out all of the experiences that have happened in the last 2 months it would totally help me out big time. So get ready for a huge novel of a post.. So Sept 1,2016 marked my 38th birthday and a few blessings about this age has been. 

1) I find myself speaking my mind more openly
2) I do my best to make sure I'm taken care of emotionally,spiritually and physically vs. how I use to be in trying to inspire others to improve in those areas.
3) I've began to understand not getting what  I want isn't all so bad. Just as long as I continue to live a life of gratitude.

Because I've fought and continue to live in gratitude it's humbled me tremendously. I'm learning that we as a people are all weak. Weak spirited, weak willed and weak minded but thank God that there is a God. I have spent this year truly tryna allow God to refine me in every way possible. I've had my heart get torn out of my chest for what it seems to have felt like several times a month, every month for the last 12 months. 

But this isn't a post to complain about how bad I've had it. It's  not even about how judged, talked about or criticized I've been by those who barely know me. Up to the people who supposedly love me with all their heart. This post is about how I've been able to  survive this 2016 year thus far & how I'm planning to move forward with a stronger spirit, will and mind guided by my heart but forever protected by my mind. 

And so the first "Go to" that has helped me climb out of my own discouragement this year has been my constant conversation with God through the power of prayer. It's crying to him when people are unfair, it's angrily expressing my frustration and on the upbeat days I praise him either through constant prayer or singing one of our "Divine Heritage Choir" songs. Usually in the privacy of my own home & company. And if that didn't work on a particular rough day or experience. I would just focus on redirecting my being on either my favorite relatives that have passed away or I just spend time with my favorite people whom are still with us here on earth. 

Other things that have kept me on top of all the quick sands that trials would try to swallow one into daily has been community service that's replaced my being active in our "Divine Heritage Choir" activity. Getting certified at being a certified sexual assault advocate, founder of my Tasi O Le Alofa support group, dancing with my Malialoles straight outta Glendale, supporting my Sugarhouse 801's  during their concerts/open mics, speaking at Community day events, University of Utah and next month Utah Valley University for a new Polynesian Empowerment Women's group by the name of "Teuila's Group." But even with being that busy w/o mention of trying to be active with my own family, LDS ward, work and so called "Me" time, opposition has a constant hand of always trying to creep into my life and anyone reading this msg. 

So before I go on rambling on & turn this post into nonsense venting. I hope you can gain a sense of turning to God for your daily support, rally for people who want to help you grow not just endure & that you can learn from my experiences to NEVER EVER EVER give up on yourself. This life is meant to test us but not break us. So if you fail. Fail big and try again & I promise you will get where you need to be & life will prove that when you move towards God he will place in your life all that you ever wanted. NEVER EVER EVER GIVE UP!!